Who I wish to love: dream 2

My heart is a fragile thing. I find that people who come close to it, they hurt it that much more, and with the little things they do. I’ve experienced it twice where when I befriended somebody and let them close to my heart, they could not handle how sensitive I was beneath the surface, and it ended very badly; both times, with suicide attempts on my part after extended periods of depression where I felt I was better off gone.

The heart is a sensitive thing, and that’s why you need to be more careful with who you allow close to it. Keep in mind, for me, loving somebody is what that metaphor entails, but in both cases, people can be close to my heart or loved by my in either a romantic or platonic way. Regardless of the way, people can still hurt me badly if they are not careful of the way they act, especially when I am depressed.

When it comes to things like family, they come first. Even if a close friend is the one doing it, anyone who badmouths my family, they will find up on my “dead-to-me” list. You could even be dating me, but if you disrespect my loved ones that much, then go away. For friends, so long as I know that you will go out of your way for me, then I will do the same for you. Friendship needs to be a two-way street. Finally, when it comes to romance, I feel like there is just a different criteria altogether.

I prefer to be with somebody who is completely independent of me. Somebody who I can wholeheartedly trust, and who is just as capable and confident in themselves as I am with me. I want this person to help push me to better myself, while I hope that my company with them would do the same. My intentions of that are because in a relationship, we stand as equals. I refuse to be the sole provider in a family-type setting, because when money drives a wedge in a relationship, it’ll only go south.

Now I’m just getting picky here, but the person also needs to be in a completely different industry. I don’t want to get competitive with my significant other. They need to be the type of person who I can come back from a long day of work to, and when we look at each other, neither of us are reminded of our jobs. Even if I love what I’m doing or they do, our company really should just be our company, and nothing else sidetracking that.

But enough about the fact they might need to create another version of the Bachelor(ette) for me because of how nit-picky I am. Love is such a fickle thing. Romantic love, I know that the biggest turn-off for me is practicality. But I’ll elaborate on that another day, when the time is right to talk about why certain people cannot be loved a certain way. For now, I think I have stated enough about the different kinds of love that I feel, and why they really do depend on the person that you are. I don’t want to mistakenly love somebody the wrong way. Nor do I want anyone to misinterpret my love. That’s happened two too many times, and it needs to stop.


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