Moving forward: dream 16

This post was partially inspired by Namie Amuro’s song Fly from her album _genic. The song opens with the phrase “Now I’m moving forward, that’s the only way I know. The wind on my back because it’s the only way I go. Only one more second, and I will spread my wings and soar. To the open sky.” Being able to move forward, and not look back. It’s something probably everyone who has ever been through a traumatic incident would want to do. Moving forward is hard, but it can be more doable, so long as we are able to let go, forgive, and forget.

I have been in many arguments and fights in my life. Unfortunately, I have lost quite a number of friendships because of them. Misunderstandings, emotional breakdowns, tension rising, all reasons for why these conflicts and fights broke out. For the longest time, I could not forgive one particular individual. My best friend from high school. Even in college, I would use that friend, and this urge to completely demolish them in life, as my sole reason for existing and pushing myself. And while yes, I managed to accomplish a lot with my life because of that hatred, such as graduating college with three degrees, being a president in four clubs, making dean’s list, and working for Michelin starred and James Beard chefs, I did not let go or genuinely move forward. At the end of the day, I needed to assess my feelings and emotions. I needed to genuinely understand the “why” for me needing to push myself so hard, and specifically, why I was so affected by the fight. And that’s something that anyone who has ever felt angered or hurt needs to understand as well. Why did that friend, family, or romantic partner cause you to get hurt the way that you did. Was your relationship with that person worth the emotional pain you are currently experiencing? Were you the one in the wrong?

Come to terms with the situation. Obviously, apologize if you are the one who hurt somebody else, but do not expect them to accept your apology, to give you forgiveness, or for your life to go back to the same routine it was before the fight. Just express your remorse so that you can move forward. Once you have that closure, and show that you are understanding of what you did wrong, forget about that past. Don’t let it hold you down. Don’t hold grudges because they don’t accept your apology. Even if they do, just learn to let go of that past. It’s likely that your relationship won’t be the same, so don’t expect it to. Now if you were the one who got hurt, don’t expect an apology, and don’t expect any compensation for your pain. Tell the person who hurt you why they hurt you, and what they did to accomplish that, and move forward as well. Don’t resent the person if they never learn their lesson. Eventually they will, even if it’s not from you. Obviously, learn from this experience yourself as well, regardless of which side you are on. Understand why that person hurt you, or why you hurt that person. Was it justifiable or reasonable? Do other people act or react this way too? Once you have that lesson learned, then you can really move forward. You learned the lesson, erased the memories, and stopped a grudge from forming. That’s really all you can do to move forward.

For me, I need to learn how to forget that pain. Having my best friend turn on me, and me being angry. While yes, I have gotten so far in my life from holding this grudge, I know I can go even further leaving that burden behind me. I hope one day to finally get closure on that conflict. To be able to tell my ex-friend how hurt I was by them, how much I appreciated their friendship, just so that I can get the pain off my chest. I would love to move forward myself, but it’s hard when the person you are in a conflict with is immature, passive-aggressive, and non-confrontational. I guess in this case, I made a blog post about it, wrote it off my chest, and maybe one day, they will find this post, somehow realize it’s me, and maybe understand how badly I was once hurt by them. Regardless, I guess this is my chance to let go of that. ___ ________, you were a complete jackass to me, but because my hatred of you drove me this far, I completely forgive you. I was able to accomplish so much, and I have a life to look forward to, without the memories we had created together. I’m moving forward. Towards the world of my feather-light dreams.

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