Responsibility: realization 24

With great power comes great responsibility. That cliché has been one I have seen throughout all of my team or organizational experiences in college. People who are given leadership positions, they really have the power to change entire groups of people in whatever way that they want. I have seen entire organizations fall apart because the leader is not competent. When I became an editor-in-chief, I was internally freaking out at first. I did not know if I was cut out to do this. But I quickly realized that to be a leader, I needed to just train my subordinates so that they can do their individual jobs better than if I were to do them collectively on my own. And that has been working thus far. Not going to jinx it. However, with great responsibility, it comes with great fear. For me, anyways. You need to be a mature person so that you can wield power in a responsible way. And my biggest fear is that I am not mature enough to be responsible. Hence, that’s where the fear comes into play.

For me, being mature means that you can typically handle a serious situation in a composed and calm manner, and when you cannot, you take, maybe 2-3 hours for a small argument, no more than a day tops, to get over your emotions and then confront the problem. Basically, you know to put your own feelings aside and try to solve the problem before it gets any worse. It’s funny to think that there are still so many people, even in college, who are passive aggressive, non-confrontational, and even evasive. That sort of cowardice, you have to live with it. You have to live with the guilt of knowing that you were too afraid to confront the problem. You bear that regret of not being able to be brave and face your fears head on. You will start wishing that you actually did something, rather than running away with your tail between your legs.

For that very reason, I try my best to be confrontational at the very least. Being passive aggressive does not solve anything. Trying to involve other people, using them as messengers because you are afraid to look somebody in the eye, it shows that you are just immature. You are not strong enough to fight your own battles. As an adult, you need to be able to do that. There will not always be a time where you have the luxury of making someone else be your human shield. When it comes down to it, if you have a problem with somebody, speak up about it and to the person who needs to hear it. While I will admit that I am emotionally frail and inept, being unable to control my emotions properly, I know that this is my weakness and to compensate, I typically just don’t use my emotions, especially not when making decisions. I can still take most confrontational criticism constructively (unless I am in an emotionally charged state, but that is why I do not use my emotions to begin with). Bottom line, there’s a reason why I am afraid I am not mature enough to handle being responsible. The moment emotions get involved, I am literally the worst. And I have to take ownership of that.

I will not deny the things I say or do, even when I am not in control of my brain or heart. I have to stand behind myself. I will not go around, spewing that I have changed or that the person who said those hurtful things was not me. Because that is an unfortunate part of who I am. I am still working on being less emotional, but that’s a project in itself. Being responsible or mature ultimately to me means that you will own up to whatever mistakes you have made, and that you will be confrontational when it comes to clearing up any misunderstandings. But at mature as you try to make yourself, keep in mind some people just aren’t mentally or emotionally mature enough to listen. Those kinds of people, just let them live, and ignore them. They are not worth your time. Stick to people who will hear you out and give you their time of day, and not make you wait to confront. And within yourself, find ways to make yourself someone you can be wholeheartedly responsible for. That way, you can live a feather-light life, where you are the one in the driver’s seat when it comes to your own actions and thoughts.









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