Meant to be: realization 27

I mentioned before that I was a chronic perfectionist. I wanted things to be a certain way, and it got to the point where I’d have emotional breakdowns when things did not go the way I wanted them to go. How things should have been or were supposed to be. I honestly cannot stress enough how painful it was to see my visions left unrealized. My goals, the hopes I had for aspects of my life, the way things were meant to be. But the whole concept of things happening because they are meant to be is utter garbage. Nothing is ever meant to be. Nothing is ever pre-destined to happen. As human beings, we have the ability to break the molds we are set and cast in, and do whatever it is that we want to do. If anyone were to tell us that we were meant to be a certain way, we can prove them wrong. That’s called independence. As for when things do not go your way, then just learn to adapt. You cannot expect to control the outcome of a situation if not all of the deciding factors are in your hands.

I was always transfixed on making my life a certain way. Graduate, get a manager in training position in accounting, get promoted to director of finance in two years, then move to Japan to open my own bakery in 10 years. Having that sort of life plan, down to the ETAs of my occupations, it’s neurotic and stressful. And I doubt it will happen. Simply because there are so many factors that I have yet to account for. Pun intended, I guess. I can’t control the people interviewing me for this MIT position; if I don’t even get that position from the get-go, then I can’t even start on that track, and I will need to think of something else. So why bother thinking about each step? I have one goal. To open a bakery in Japan. There are so many other routes I can take, ones that give me more industry-relevance and credibility, than to be in accounting and transition to food and beverage via baking.

That kind of stress, always worrying about how things are supposed to go, it’s unnecessary. Being fearful, about the what if’s, if something goes wrong. Then what? In the past, I’ve had emotional breakdowns and cried. I couldn’t stand behind myself because my self-confidence was so low. But now, I just have learned to roll with the punches. When things blow up, I access the situation at that moment and make my decisions as I go. I refuse to worry about things going a certain way. I have a vision, and I will try to execute. If it works, then good, if not, then I will try to make something out of my mistakes. I refuse to wallow in doubt and self-pity any longer. I will always find a way to get back up, and continue fighting back, and showing the world that I will not give up because one thing didn’t work out. Throwing a hissy fit over that, it’s called being a brat. I don’t want to do that.

Rather than feeling bad about the things that have already happened, or how I could have or should have done something, I need to focus on the present. What’s there still left to be done? I can’t let my past demons come back to harm me. While yes, it’s important to embrace yourself, past, present, and future, you can’t let yourself get lost in what you perceive to be mistakes. Embrace the present as in accept the outcome and do what you can to improve off of it, rather than be angry about the fact you couldn’t quite accomplish or achieve what you attempted to. Opportunities to do that will arise another time. And another time after that. You have a long life to live, with many doors and windows left to open and go through. Just knowing that will help you keep a feather-light mind.

 

 

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