Healing: dream

Being able to recover from something and move on, it’s a wonderful feeling. The healing process is a vital part in us maturing as human beings. A lot of it starts with forgetting about what it is that hurt us to begin with, specifically that pain. Yet, you still need to keep the lesson learned from whatever hurt you in mind. It could be that certain people are not good people, or be less naive, but whatever the lesson is, know what needs to be learned. Secondly, while keeping that newly learned moral in the back of your head, move on with your life. It might mean cutting off old parts of your life, but you need to do it, or else you could very easily revert to old, harmful habits that could cause you a lot of pain and possibly, cause you to revert to self-inflicting tendencies. That is the biggest emotional hurdle in the healing process is cutting off the past and forgetting about it.

The next part of the healing process is filling your life with new things to replace the old. They don’t have to be similar things. Preferably, they shouldn’t be similar things. Anything that reminds you of your past pain, that’s just asking to be triggered. Being able to do that, it also helps you forget the past a lot easier. You’re able to let go and not think about whatever horrible influences have hurt you. And while cutting off is the biggest challenge emotionally, this part is the most difficult part mentally is putting the past behind you. You are probably used to a certain routine, and you want to revert to it. You probably wouldn’t want to include new things into your life and you yearn for the past. Very few people are naturally good at adapting to and accepting change. And that’s to be expected. We can’t all just be okay to uprooting our daily routines. But being able to accept the change, even in small steps, it helps.

By allowing these new influences into your life, you can expel a lot of the negative emotions that have been burdening you earlier. You stop thinking about those dark thoughts, or about the causes of them. Instead, every day becomes a new opportunity for you to discovery something new about yourself or the world around you. You start to find yourself smiling a lot more, and while you know that this world is a little less wonderful than you remember it being, the parts that are genuinely wonderful that you discover makes that journey worthwhile. Being able to see the good in the world, it’s refreshing. Whether it’s new people, new hobbies, new places, you’ll surprise yourself with how much this world has to offer, despite whatever it was that hurt you in the first place. You stop thinking about the guilt, the pain, the trauma, and it helps you focus on future and what you can do as an individual to make the most of yours.

Being able to completely cast your past behind, it’s not easy. Those wounds from your trauma, they do become scars, but with time, you will forget what exactly gave you those scars exactly, but you will still vaguely remember how you got them, and what you can do to prevent yourself from falling into the same mistake again. The world will no longer feel like a cage or trap confining you, and it will open itself up to you. You are no longer being held down or back by those negative influences and burdens. Instead, you can focus on making the person you see in the mirror somebody you can love more and more. And once you reach that point of loving yourself, don’t stop there. Find new things about the world, and figure out what new things you love as well, and how you can work towards incorporating that newfound passion or interest into your life. With healing, you gain depth and character and that’s a life worth living in this featherlight world.

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Focus: dream 23

“Learn to focus, and you will get better.”

That was the advice a Michelin starred chef I worked under once told me. Being sidetracked can happen to all of us. I still think about my cooking class, where one of my teammates was so distracted by boys that she proceeded to burn herself and make black pesto in an hour (two separate incidents, with the burn happening in a latter lesson, just to clarify). She was not focused….at all. Which is why she did not wear oven mitts when I asked her to remove my oatmeal cookies (once she burned herself, she left the cookies in the oven and got passive aggressive with me for asking her to open the oven) or she spent an hour picking basil leaves and then presenting me with something I originally thought was tapenade before tasting it. Yeah. Sometimes, I just feel like people are really dumb. But it’s not that they are actually dumb. It’s that their minds are preoccupied with something else.

For me in my Michelin starred internship, I was too busy being star-struck (pun literally intended) because the chef I was working for, they were a Top Chef contestant. I will not disclose who. But I will say that chef, I am so sorry for how bad of an intern I was. I have since then improved, and if you are looking for a pastry intern, I can definitely deliver on that station 1000% better than I could as a garde manger. Bottom line, I was too busy freaking out about the fact that they were this big name chef that my head was not on straight. I would be off in lala-land, being so excited about working for them that I could not deliver on what I was there to do: cook. My knife cuts were crap, as the sous-chef pointed out, I would take a lot longer to do tasks, I basically got into a wrestling match with the oven, mostly because I could not open it. The list of mistakes, it was very long. And it got to me.

Each mis-step took me further and further away from being confident and trying to nail my tasks. Instead, I got more depressed and these thoughts about me being useless and that I am better off somewhere else because the bar was set too high for me really got to me. I wanted a way out. Eventually, I quit because I felt like I was being too much of a burden and not enough of a help. Wow. I just started to realize a pattern here with me and my self-esteem. Doubt builds when I don’t feel valued or know that I am doing as good as I should be, that leads to anxiety and depression, and then I try to remove myself from the equation. Okay, that’s going to be a realization post soon enough. Bottom line is that had I focused on doing the job and learning how to do it right, and not fret about how I was making mistakes, something perfectly acceptable as a beginner who was starting out at their first fine-dining establishment, then I’m positive that I would have done fine. But all it took was me not having focus for me to completely melt down and break apart.

To focus on something means to clear your mind of everything that does not directly pertain to the subject in mind. The easiest way to do something like that is to make the situation less about your problems and more about getting the job done. I know I talk a lot about making life all about you, but that’s for your personal life. When it comes to your professional life, you need to look at what it is that you are doing, and how it helps the company or organization you are working for. Rather than thinking that a task is beneath you, or that you have better things to be doing, just focus on doing the damn job, doing it well, and then if you really dislike what it is that you’re doing, then quit and find something more compatible. Ideally, you should be allowed to work a job you are passionate about, and if you are passionate about work, then you will be able to focus on work and nothing else; your work will be in a way, an escape from whatever responsibilities you have to think about.