Healing: dream

Being able to recover from something and move on, it’s a wonderful feeling. The healing process is a vital part in us maturing as human beings. A lot of it starts with forgetting about what it is that hurt us to begin with, specifically that pain. Yet, you still need to keep the lesson learned from whatever hurt you in mind. It could be that certain people are not good people, or be less naive, but whatever the lesson is, know what needs to be learned. Secondly, while keeping that newly learned moral in the back of your head, move on with your life. It might mean cutting off old parts of your life, but you need to do it, or else you could very easily revert to old, harmful habits that could cause you a lot of pain and possibly, cause you to revert to self-inflicting tendencies. That is the biggest emotional hurdle in the healing process is cutting off the past and forgetting about it.

The next part of the healing process is filling your life with new things to replace the old. They don’t have to be similar things. Preferably, they shouldn’t be similar things. Anything that reminds you of your past pain, that’s just asking to be triggered. Being able to do that, it also helps you forget the past a lot easier. You’re able to let go and not think about whatever horrible influences have hurt you. And while cutting off is the biggest challenge emotionally, this part is the most difficult part mentally is putting the past behind you. You are probably used to a certain routine, and you want to revert to it. You probably wouldn’t want to include new things into your life and you yearn for the past. Very few people are naturally good at adapting to and accepting change. And that’s to be expected. We can’t all just be okay to uprooting our daily routines. But being able to accept the change, even in small steps, it helps.

By allowing these new influences into your life, you can expel a lot of the negative emotions that have been burdening you earlier. You stop thinking about those dark thoughts, or about the causes of them. Instead, every day becomes a new opportunity for you to discovery something new about yourself or the world around you. You start to find yourself smiling a lot more, and while you know that this world is a little less wonderful than you remember it being, the parts that are genuinely wonderful that you discover makes that journey worthwhile. Being able to see the good in the world, it’s refreshing. Whether it’s new people, new hobbies, new places, you’ll surprise yourself with how much this world has to offer, despite whatever it was that hurt you in the first place. You stop thinking about the guilt, the pain, the trauma, and it helps you focus on future and what you can do as an individual to make the most of yours.

Being able to completely cast your past behind, it’s not easy. Those wounds from your trauma, they do become scars, but with time, you will forget what exactly gave you those scars exactly, but you will still vaguely remember how you got them, and what you can do to prevent yourself from falling into the same mistake again. The world will no longer feel like a cage or trap confining you, and it will open itself up to you. You are no longer being held down or back by those negative influences and burdens. Instead, you can focus on making the person you see in the mirror somebody you can love more and more. And once you reach that point of loving yourself, don’t stop there. Find new things about the world, and figure out what new things you love as well, and how you can work towards incorporating that newfound passion or interest into your life. With healing, you gain depth and character and that’s a life worth living in this featherlight world.

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ending this vicious cycle: realization 38

People who are dicks are generally being harassed by dicks themselves or are just frustrated about things out of their control and their anger manifests in the form of rude behavior. I speak from being in both positions and being attacked by people in both scenarios. We are always told in elementary school through high school how bullying is a vicious cycle. That statement is absolutely true. But what we are not typically told is why people bully. In my last post, I spoke about insecurity. Insecurity causes people to act out in different ways, and in a lot of cases, they can act aggressively and offensively. It is a domino effect, that behavior. When people get lashed out at, then they will find others in a weaker position to impose their own insecurities on. And it continues like that. Until somebody is emotionally or mentally strong enough to stop the behavior.

When I was working for a chef with Alzheimer’s, I was stuck in a very difficult position. He would yell at me for things I did not do, telling me that I needed to stop burning things; I ran the salad station. I could not have burnt anything because there were no hot components in any of the salads. It got frustrating when he told me to get passionate and stop burning things. It was hard for me to get passionate when my own boss was yelling at me for things I did not do, telling me that I was terrible, expendable, replaceable. And for me, loving food so much, and cooking being my own personal escape from life, it became difficult because my stress and my stress-reliever were the same thing. I was miserable and depressed to the point where I wanted to press my chef knives into my wrists. The sight of my knives made me scared. And when I was that emotionally unstable, I got verbally abusive to a lot of people who I cared about. Somebody who I saw as a little sibling figure, who I cared for like my own family, who I wanted to protect, somebody I made countless sacrifices for, I hurt them badly. I had so little control over my own self that I let the cycle continue. I was not strong enough to stop it.

Onto the topic of sacrifices. You should never make them for other people with the expectation that they will be appreciated or reciprocated. Doing that will just set you up for disappointment. Only make sacrifices when you know you will not get anything in return. That is one reason why me trying to protect somebody caused the abusive cycle to continue. My sacrifices, I felt like they were not being valued, and it caused me to get more aggressive. Stop making sacrifices for other people. Only do things that will make you, and you alone, a better, stronger person. If you do not love yourself, then you are in no position to love others. And you must make sure that you love yourself more than you love anybody else. You need to put yourself first and become a confident person who will not hurt others. Make yourself somebody you are proud of. I have made the mistake of making sacrifices for others and it made me feel like a complete idiot.

Now you might be thinking that I went off on a tangent and that I lost sight of the topic of this post. If you think that, then you are 100% wrong. The reason why you need to focus on yourself is that it will help you in stopping that vicious cycle. Being strong stems from loving yourself. Make your strength come from within, not from other people. By loving yourself and being genuinely confident with who you are, you can ward off the abuse. By being this capable, independent, and emotionally content person, you can rise above the bullies and the abusive attitude. You can end the vicious cycle by being better than it. Abuse comes from a multitude of factors, and from my experience, insecurity was one of them. But being strong and loving yourself are the two best weapons to combat the abuse. Love yourself, and the abuse goes away. Be happy in your own skin, and you can inspire others to do the same. Let’s end this vicious cycle.