She always wanted to have magical powers. To be able to help others and be a modern day superhero, she obsessively wished for that to happen. The beauty and grace that these magical girls in the cartoons exceeded, she was enamored. To save the day and let love conquer all, if she could do that, then she could have given up everything. That was, until recently. Since when did being a magical girl involve killing others? Murder? Death? Corruption? And how about consequences? Why did being a superhero come with such dire costs? Yes, reality did rear its hideous head upon her beloved childhood dream, but the girl tried to focus on what appealed to her about the genre. How the output outweighed the costs and sacrifices. How saving the day was more important than teenaged angst and drama. Looking at the small creature before her, she was hesitant. The opportunity to realize her childhood dream was just an answer away. But knowing what she did now, she knew that this door, closing would not be the end of her world. By turning her back away from it now, she would be keeping her dream alive.


Magic: dream 22

If you expected this post to be about a world of magical unicorns and Harry Potter-related topics, then go away. This is more of a post dedicated to the MysterySkulls’ song, Magic. It’s this upbeat, jazzy, almost Michael Jackson-esque song about falling in love and never giving up. Which, now that I am describing it, sounds really creepy. Like watches-you-when-you-use-the-bathroom creepy. Whoops, I just ruined one of my favorite songs. It’s not the first time this has happened. My friend ruined Love Myself by Hailee Steinfeld by redubbing it “Rub Myself” and making it about masturbation. Yeah, I’m going to stop talking about ruining good music now. That will be done in the rest of this entire post. I am about to tell a story that gave one of my favorite songs a very awkward connotation.

So going back to the song Magic. It was my summer 2016 jam. Well, that and Love Myself. Both of the songs just give me fond memories of when I was an intern in Washington D.C., and how much I was looking forward to my final year in college. And both also remind me of a very… interesting incident that happened to me during that summer. So going back even before summer 2016, my friend, who we shall call Rose, and I, we had this thing called the “Monthly Bitch-Out” where we would go to some restaurant, far, far away from our campus, get buzzed, and rant about whatever shit we were bothered by, no-consequences. It was great, because I had a lot of shit I was subjected to as a secretary to a dysfunctional culture club at the time. But one of those things Rose mentioned was her friend, who we shall call Alex for the sake of gender neutrality. Rose complained a lot about how Alex was single and available, but me being the poor drunk I was, just told her that this was our time to talk about ourselves and that Alex can fuck off. I was too tipsy to realize Rose might have been trying to set us up by gauging my interest. Whoops. And then flash forward a couple months, back to summer 2016, and guess who I accidentally sent a friend request to on FaceBook? I did not mean to send it, nor did I realize who I sent it to at first. Until I scrolled through Alex’s photos and saw photos with Rose, and then realized who this person was. So I quickly un-sent the request, only to receive one from Alex. And I felt like I needed to accept it, because I already un-sent mine. Fuck me.

So that long-ass story basically set me up with this awkward expectation that I would meet Alex, and that we could possibly start dating? Yeah, I know. This was a low-point for me. Going back to my whole obsession with being in control and anticipating any situation, I started to fantasize. A lot. THIS IS EMBARRASSING TO WRITE ABOUT…. Okay, powering through the blood flushing to my face right now. I thought about how I could be this power couple with Alex, because we were both really well-accomplish and established people within our college. Alex was a biology and business double major with a minor in dentistry; they were a pre-dental and pre-law student and in multiple organizations, including the business fraternity Alpha Kappa Psi. I am an accounting and Food and Beverage double concentrate with a minor in business, and I was a president, vice president, secretary, and treasurer in four different clubs at that time. I thought it was cute that in the long run, I could give people cavities with my desserts, and then Alex could fix up their teeth. So naturally, me, not having had romantic feelings for anything since the 9th grade, started to really think about being in a relationship with Alex. It got bad.

To this day, I still have not met Alex in real life. Not that I am complaining. If I had met Alex when I was still obsessing over that possibility of us dating, I probably would have lost it. Right now, as I am, I don’t really care as much about being in a relationship. Those sorts of feelings, they should not have been repressed, but rather, not had to begin with. I had not met Alex, so why was I so set on being in a relationship? I know I’m desirable to some extent, so I should not settle on a complete stranger, but rather, I will find my significant other, by being at the right place at the right time. Hasn’t happened yet, nor will I wait on that happening. I’d rather just live my life first. While the song Magic makes me incredibly happy, it still reminds me of that awkward moment when I basically was like a high school fangirl who couldn’t control her hormones over a complete stranger who I have not even met. It makes me smile…and laugh at myself. I still can’t believe after all these years, the possibility of dating somebody could have gotten me this riled up. It just goes to show that I am a human being, and that I have emotions and urges. Yuck. I don’t know if there is any real lesson here, or if any of this has to do with my ideal world. I guess in an ideal world, we can know what to expect out of our lives romantically? That way I would not have set myself up with the expectation that I was going to get into a relationship with basically a complete stranger. There we go. Let’s leave this post at that!