romanced: dream

A majority of us are raised in a society where we go to school, get a job, get married, have a family, and then our children continue that cycle. Where I am at currently in my life is post-going to school, but pre-getting a job or I am even further away from getting married; I have very little experience with relationships and romance in general. I only recently had my first relationship, and we agreed that the title was too… intense, and that we would prefer to stay as friends who date exclusively first, as we get to know each other better.

I am embarrassed to admit that I would actually want to be in a relationship. Not for the sake of being in one so that I am not single or to check part of another box off the unspoken to-do list of life, but more for the life experience that comes from it. Even if this relationship does not lead to marriage but rather ends sourly in a break-up, I don’t mind so long as I can learn something more about myself from the experience. Just being a part of the ride is enough to make me happy. To understand what it means to be somebody else’s significant other, while at the same time, being able to see a person as my own, it is important for me. I want to know that somebody out there who can make me feel and act that way exists.

The concept of love and relationships, it’s not something that can be approached logically. Maybe that’s one of the reasons why we as humans are always so fascinated by the idea. No matter what we try to find in somebody else as a mate, sometimes, our hearts may not always agree. Let’s say we want somebody who is tall, Caucasian, and muscular, but we end up in a relationship with somebody who is medium-height, African American, and scrawny. Yet, we are not un-attracted to the African American, despite them being not what we would prefer. And that is because of what they have to offer beneath the surface. While they do not physically resemble what we would want in an ideal mate, the personality and ethics of this African American appeals to us.

The concept of love has a lot of gray areas. For example, one might view a woman getting hit by her husband as domestic violence without any context. But what if the woman wanted her husband to hit her, because that was her kink? I’m not going to explore that idea more, because it is a very…awkward topic, but you get the idea. There are other emotions, primal, hormonal, and hard to understand in general, that cloud our judgement and make us act beyond reason and logic. Yet, that’s what makes being romanced such an exciting and terrifying journey. The unknown does not necessarily settle well with me, but being able to single out that special somebody out of the several millions of people in the world, it’s a wonderful feeling. And it’s a feeling that every human being deserves to have, or at least in the world of my featherlight dreams.

An ideal life: dream 3

When I think about what I am working for, it’s to help reassure me that what I am currently doing is the right thing. For me, a perfect life down the line would include being happily married by the age of 30, living in Japan and owning my bakery, while my spouse would also be doing some sort of non-hospitality job in Japan as well. For kids, maybe before I’m 35, because I don’t want to be so old that my children cannot relate to me at all. I would like at most two kids, since we as parents would also be preoccupied with our respective careers.

In my bakery, I’d be preparing mostly modern desserts. Think Reynold Poernomo’s concept in Sydney, Australia, Koi Dessert Bar. Actually, Reynold is somebody I aspire to be one day, and it’s not just because we are the same age. The desserts he creates, they take you away to a magical land, far far away from all your troubles. That’s what I try to do with my desserts as well. For the kinds of desserts, I’m probably going to do French-Japanese, because it’s something I love to do.

With my kids, I plan on raising them when I’m not working. I’ll probably go into the bakery early in the morning, just to get the operations started, and as my bakers come into the kitchen, hand tasks off to them to finish. Hopefully, I’ll be done early enough to pick up my kids from school and take them home. I’d expect my spouse to come back home maybe a little later, since most jobs are 9-5 outside of the hospitality industry, and then I can leave the house, come back to the bakery, and close shop. After closing, come back home, eat dinner with my family, and then go to sleep and start the day over.

For me, having a family to take care of makes me happy, because I am a naturally caring and nurturing person. The bakery side will keep me preoccupied with both my love of baking and storytelling, but also presenting me with challenges that will help me continue to grow as a person. Just thinking about being able to live that life, I want to work hard, just to make the steps towards achieving it feel more like leaps and sprints.

That sort of routine is enough to make me happy for the rest of my life. I have family, I’d have my own business, and most importantly, I’m doing something that I genuinely love. For anyone out there reading this, just know that with life, doing what you love makes doing the obligations you have now, such as school or jobs you don’t like, all the more worthwhile.