Sensitivity: realization

I always had this issue in life where I would take things too personally. Little comments, remarks, small gestures, they would have such a huge subliminal impact on me to the point where it would bother me for ages. Sometimes I would act on it, albeit overreact and give people the rise they may or may not be wanting, or I would used to shelve it, and it become a massive mess when I would go volcanic. Instead of shelving any pain, I have been just trying to get it out of my system by exercising, and learning not to take things so personally. Rather than seeing anything as a personal attack on me as a person, I just try to understand where they are coming from, what their intentions are, and what I did to affect them to cause such behavior, or if their attitude was just normal to begin with, and I was misinterpreting their actions.

Half the time I get hurt or affected by the behavior of others, it is because something is stressing me out already, such as getting a job, family or friends-related issues, for example. I am already at a vulnerable state at that point, so little things would just get under my skin easily. I would always get so bothered to the point where I would not stop thinking about comments or remarks that irked me, and I would even lose sleep over how angry or annoyed I would get. It was not a pleasant habit, in the slightest. This kind of toxic, grudge-forming behavior is what caused a lot of problems for me in the past. I would burn so many bridges and be outcasted by so many people because I would get so easily hurt and would push other people away so quickly.

Unfortunately, that sensitivity had stages. The second paragraph described stage 1 of my toxically sensitive behavior. The second phase, it would get worse. I would not stop being affected by the fact that I pushed people away. That sort of guilt, it really does eat away at you. I would feel more remorse than you could imagine over hurting people like that, and it quickly turns to self-resentment. And I’m sure I’ve written enough about that to the point where it is guessable where self-resentment would eventually turn to. Like I said, sensitivity to that extreme, it is a vicious cycle that I have been trapped in for two occasions of my life already. At that point in time, I thought that I couldn’t really do anything about it, but that’s not the case. There is a way to break out of the cycle.

Distract yourself from these things by not thinking about them, but rather, focusing on things that you enjoy doing once you cannot do anything more in pursuit of your goals. Do not let the little things and thoughts bother you. Don’t read to deep into things, and try to excavate hidden meanings beyond what is actually there. Some might call it a naive way of living, but I call it building up a wall of indifference so that you have the space and time to grow thicker skin to these kinds of comments and remarks. I genuinely can’t stress enough how important it is to not take things to heart so often. When you do, it opens you up to that vulnerability, and if you are an overtly sensitive person to begin with, it will only end with you taking everything too personally and getting offended quite easily. Learning to relax, let go, and not get offended, that’s what it means to live a featherlight life.

 

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Multidimensionalism: realization

Something that got me thinking was when I saw one of my classmates making a separate “food” Instagram account, and then telling everyone on FaceBook to follow her on it. It was a lot of an eye-roller, I will admit, but that is not the point of this post. I just want to understand why so many people, especially young people, find the need to create an entirely new Instagram, typically titled (Insert your name here)eats, or something to that effect. It’s honestly so unnecessary. Why can’t you just upload food pictures to your current Instagram? What is so difficult about doing that?

But the answer I am likely to hear is not a pretty one. It is almost always that these people want to be “discovered” as food authorities. They want the likes, the attention, the fame. They want an entirely different account for their food-related lives, in addition to their personal accounts, just to double the chances of them gaining likes and followers, which in turns, is supposed to help with their self-esteem and just making them feel better about themselves. And some people might make the argument that “oh, they don’t post the same photos in their Foodstagrams as they do their normal accounts!” But trust me, they do. Half the time, I get the same photos circulating my feed because they double-dip photos between both accounts. That’s why I came around to this conclusion.

Now, I just don’t understand why we can’t consolidate our photos and interests to one account. Yes, half of the this post is to call out people who are obnoxious enough to do that, but the rest of this post is to question the necessity of it. Are people, we are allowed to have more than one interest. We can express ourselves through these different topics and interests. Compartmentalizing ourselves to just one thing, or separating that one aspect from the rest of our lives, is it really worth compromising the multidimensionality of our personalities? And for those who double-dip their food photos between their two accounts, just why? Does it make you feel better to know that there are more likes on at least one of the same two food posts? And if you want a separate Instagram just to sort through your food posts, why make it public or go out of your way to advertise it to get a following? Those sorts of things, make them private, since you’re probably just using them to reference certain things you’ve eaten or made in the past. Or just be a less obnoxious human being a make a folder on your computer. Being able to see the different occurrences of your life, through your photos, whether it be a selfie, a photo of a sunset, or a picture of a dish you ate, that sort of variety is a lot more worthwhile if it is true to who you are as a person.

For me, I used to struggle with having that sort of variety at all. I came from the opposite issue, where I was obsessed with food and had literally no other interests. That is why I prefer and cherish that variety. Seeing others revert into something that I personally had to overcome, it’s unsettling to say the least. And for them to expect to be rewarded for that kind of behavior, again, it makes me uneasy knowing how vain or shallow certain people are. Now this blog is dedicated to good vibes, so I want to end this post on a positive note. embrace the different sides of your personality and admire them as a whole. Life is too short to be lived in pieces or compartments. Being able to showcase your interests in a great big mosaic, as opposed to smaller, separate ones, is a lot more impressive and makes you a much more beautiful human being. Don’t let stupid things like followers or likes define who you are as a person or what you are worth to the world.

 

Environment: realization 30

I’m not referring to anything relate to global warming or going green. I’m a Buddhist, not a hippie. That being said, I’m talking about the environment in the same context of Lewin’s Equation, where behavior is the function of an individual and the environment. It basically means that you can control your own behavior, but you cannot control the behavior of the environment around you; in short, there’s no guarantee that you can change the environment. There’s two options in this case: run away or change your outlook. Running away, I think it’s the easier option. It’s also the one that hurts you more in the long run. When you leave something behind, unresolved, you leave extra burdens in your heart, unfinished chapters in your life, and it will come back to haunt you. But when you learn to adapt to the environment, you might be able to enjoy it more.

I’m not saying that running away or giving up on your current environment is something frowned upon. Sometimes, you only have that option; you’ve attempted to adapt, and you failed repeatedly. In those cases, you only can leave and cut your losses. The environment you surround yourself in, it will affect your psyche. For example, I used to be an introvert when I had a person who constantly frustrated me; because of how routinely my energy was being wasted on those one or two individuals, I found myself needing time alone to recharge. But once I cut those people out of my life, I found myself becoming an extrovert. It was because my environment, specifically the people and places I had in my daily routine, changed that I found myself changing as well to adapt.

Adaptability is a completely different topic, but I think it’s worth discussing here, even though I mentioned it in my previous post about panicking. Specifically the pace and methods we use in face of changes in our environment. If you can thrive in an environment where it is high-pressure, high-demand, and intense, then that’s a good environment to stay in. If you cannot, then get the hell out of there if you cannot even swim in there. Do not let yourself stay in an environment where you feel like you are drowning in doubt and fear. Your environment helps you grow as a person, so find the right environment for you.

For me, I am learning that I prefer company who are open-minded, ambitious in their careers, but prefer a routine or a schedule. That creates a sort of environment where I myself can be career-oriented, have norms that do not surprise me, but I can be as weird or awkward as I want and not feel like I am being judged. It helps me feel a need to advance my own career, while I can spend time with the people I love on a constant basis, but ultimately, I can love myself for who I am or become a person who I can love continuously and constantly. Obviously, each person has a different environment that is ideal for them. Some people would rather not have the pressure of finding a career. Others may not love themselves and would rather be surrounded by people who they want to be like. It is ultimately up to the individual what they want. The environment that is suitable changes constantly, to match our personalities, goals, and interests.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Boldness: realization 26

Like I mentioned in my last post, I wanted to write about Koda Kumi. Well, something that she helped me with was being bold. I talk a lot about being comfortable in your own skin, and trying to make yourself more comfortable. Koda Kumi is a JPop artist, popularly known for writing and singing songs about sex, same-sex relationships, and sexual acts. So basically, imagine if you were an uptight religious person who understood Japanese. And if you listened to Koda Kumi’s songs, you’d probably explode or need to wash out your ears with holy water. For me, I’m not complaining. I LOVE Taboo, Show Girl, Physical Thing, EscalateDriving, and especially D.D.D. and Juicy. Those are all freaking amazing songs and you guys should check them out if you are interested in JPop because they are fucking amazing. Emphasis on fucking. What? I’m allowed to be crude. The whole point of the post is being bold as fuck, motherfuckers. Sorry, for me, being bold equates to being crude.

But back to the main topic, which is being bold. What Koda illustrates is that you don’t have to be afraid of who you are, and in fact, she encourages that you take risks and try things you normally would be too afraid to do. I’d like to echo this idea in that you should never be afraid to put yourself out there. Yeah, rejection might suck the first 100 times it happens, but when you are finally accepted for just being you, it is completely and fully worth it. That feeling on belonging, it’s great! When I finally was accepted for being the quirky, weird, and at times, highly inappropriate person that I am, I felt a huge sense of relief. Being able to be told you are fine just the way you are (funny because Just the way you are is another Koda song), always helps with your confidence and sense of being.

Boldness obviously comes with a price. I mentioned earlier that you can be rejected even when you put yourself out there. Don’t let that get to you. I personally think being bold, direct, and just upfront about who you are in general, it should be rewarded. Even if you don’t get what you originally were aiming to from it, I’m sure somebody out there was impressed by the fact that you were brave enough to even try. Most people unfortunately are too timid or shy to put themselves out there, and that’s the reason why bold people are always so far ahead of them in life. Being shy is already shooting yourself in the foot. Even if you are likable, talented, or capable, if you are not good at selling that about yourself, you won’t get the recognition that you deserve.

Ultimately, being bold really comes down to how you present yourself. Make sure you are representing yourself truly. Do not try to pretend and be somebody you are not, and convince others you are this fake identity. Be natural and be yourself, and let others make the decision of whether or not they want to be your co-workers, peers, or friends, or whatever it is that you are looking for them to be. Rejection can be tough, but don’t think of it as them not wanting you, even if that is the blatant case. Think of it as you not fitting in, and that you would not have been happy anyways. And keep being bold and unafraid of being you. Eventually, you’ll find the right people. And by right, I mean the people who are right for you.