alter ego: dream 34

I’m sure we have all dreamt about having superpowers at one point in our childhood. If not superpowers, then being a superhero in general. Come on, I can’t be the only one, right? I still remember wanting to be like Sheik from The Legend of Zelda, mostly because she was super elegant, androgynous, and sleek. I got into long distance running because her build reminded me of a long distance runner – slender and slim. Granted, I probably should have done acrobatics and gymnastics if I really wanted to pursue that sort of flexibility that Sheik has, but that’s another story. Bottom line is, I wanted to be a ninja/assassin-eqsue superhero when I was a little kid. Ironically, I did NOT watch Naruto, even though you would think that somebody with some interest in that kind of character would be. Nope, never really got into that, unfortunately. But my lack of interest in mainstream ninja-themed anime aside, I always wanted to be superhuman, just because it would be so cool to have those powers or that sense of mystique in having an alter ego.

A lot of the reason why I thought having an alter ego would be cool is that I felt my every day life was just not interesting. At that time, I was like a middle schooler, so I had very little going for me. But imagining if I had another identity, fighting crime, being this stealthy vigilante who would would help others, it sounded so cool to me at the time. Granted, it was also very dangerous, because I would be limited in my equipment and actual capabilities. So naturally, that dream remained a dream and nothing else. I eventually stumbled upon cooking, and in a lot of ways, that became my alter-ego so to speak. On one hand, I would be a hard working student. On another, I would also be a very capable pastry cook. It was really cool to have those two sides to me, but upon enrolling in a hospitality college, those two identities became inseparable; I was a student and known for my knowledge in Food and Beverage. That was both good and bad. I gained recognition and people knew who I was before actually meeting them, but at the same time, I could not pull out my surprise cooking skills as often now, because people would know that I have them. The secret, the thrill of it being my double-life, it was gone.

I guess in a lot of ways, that is why I kept my identity for Featherlight a secret. Having this little secret, it makes me feel like I have an edge to me. Nobody knows that I am this anonymous blogger. They can know me all they want for being a pastry cook, a student, a runner, whatever, but they will almost never know how I am in here, or that the person here writing right now is me. As much as it would simplify the world to have no secrets, for me anyways, I think a couple harmless secrets, like writing an anonymous blog where everything is kept anonymous anyways, is fine. Privacy deserves to exist, for the sake of us not feeling entirely exposed. There is a such extreme as having too much privacy, where you close yourself off to the world. But having too little, you feel vulnerable and scared. I still remember when everyone in my college knew who I was. It was terrifying. I could not introduce myself without somebody knowing who I was already, and it made me paranoid, thinking that they were stalking me on social media. I actually had to delete my social media accounts for like a month because of this incident.

I think we all deserve to have an alter ego in our lives, so long as they are not committing anything illegal here. Having an alter ego means that we can appeal to the thoughts and concepts we normally do not get to explore in our everyday lives. That’s how I was able to learn so much about food at first, because I could escape to the world of cooking and ingredients when I hated dealing with history or science. That’s how I was able to start actively writing in this blog, because I love being able to change gears and do something else, just so that my mind can be challenged in new ways and my perspective and experience can continue to broaden. In a world of my feather-light dreams, we can all pursue and explore anything we want to and not worry about our privacy being violated.


New Addition: short stories

So I just launched the new story series, Sky Bird, but I also wanted to start publishing short stories to the site! I’m planning to do those every Saturday, starting with my first short story, Snow Prince! Stay tuned for that and more!

Editing: realization 9

Editing is something that I did constantly when I used to be an editor-in-chief of an online food publication, especially when I was working my way up the ranks. Editing, in the context of writing, is an important tool that we use to take a rough draft and bring it into something more presentable. We need it for essays, speeches, and interviews. Editing can also refer to self-improvement. We edit ourselves as human beings to make ourselves closer to who we want to be, either appearance-wise, personality-wise, or in terms of intellect or career.

In terms of editing and why we need it, it can be used as a tool to improve ourselves. Every night, before I go to sleep, I try to think about three things I could have done better that day. It could be “oh, I could have helped that old lady across the street” or “maybe I should have helped that guy who was lost and needed directions.” In that sense, editing does make you a better person. But never let that need to constantly improve become a self-loathing habit. It has happened to me where I started to dislike myself for doing things a certain way.

Unfortunately, I do not really edit my posts for this blog. This blog is a chance for me to truly express myself, raw emotions and all. I don’t want to have to dumb down or touch up my writing and be somebody I am not.

The idea of editing to me, it reminds me of this need for things to be done, written, or portrayed in a certain way. There’s this sort of need for perfection that editing allows us to meet. Essays, dishes, interview responses, even the way we act and portray ourselves, through editing, we can make those things that much closer to being our own idea of perfect. But, and this might be a bit rough to hear, is there really perfection? Editing should be less about trying to reach a certain bar, and more about making you feel more comfortable with who you are and what makes you happy.

Excessive or constant editing can prevent us from being who we really are or just loving ourselves. When we edit ourselves, we try to hide or change up our own self-perceived flaws. We try to be who we think the other person wants or perceives us to be. I get that we need to do that for interviews, just because those are short encounters where first impressions are important, but in real life, do we need to edit? Knowing what is a good change, and when to make a change, that’s the key to being feather-light.